i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
