she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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