um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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