Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
