btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
3 2 1 whiskey
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!