I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid