if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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