I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.