Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.