i just wanna soil my oats bro
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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