On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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