I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
