SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?