Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
