wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
