I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
