Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
