Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think people are normalizing furries
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
