I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
