I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
