I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
