Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
