Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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