Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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