She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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