do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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