I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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