dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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