And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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