did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
