I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
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Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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