Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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