Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
