I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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