I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
don't judge my taste in strippers
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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