there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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