i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
