he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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