Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
