So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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