I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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