I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
