why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
