I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
