I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize