Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
