I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
