Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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