I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
