If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
