i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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