Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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