I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
