I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
