Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
