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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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