chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
