By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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