Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
