he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
