I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
