i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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