I cannot find my penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
