He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
