My hand turned me down
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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