The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
