Nicole vs. Life
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
