Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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