Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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