I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
