please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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