I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The beer is more important than you right now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's the barista slut.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
