i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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