I have demons in me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
