you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
