Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
