I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
