Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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