what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
