i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
