Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
