Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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