i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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